You finally have things just the way you like it. You are firmly ensconced in your man-cave with chips and dips, wings and things, even cheesy poofs. Your wireless network is going full blast, the Roku 3 is roku-ing, and the flux capacitor is…fluxing. Its now time to follow the advice of Steve Jobs, and watch “Movies, movies, movies!”
Damn! There it goes again. The doorbell. You could ignore it, but what if it’s the Fed-Ex guy with that VIP (Very Important Package)? But odds are, its just the usual cast of characters. If different people would show up, at least that would be something.
“Hey, Oscar! Your crabgrass is killing my lawn!”
“Stop building that addition without a permit!”
” Sweetieface sent me over to ask…”
“Sweetieface. That’s my big ‘ol wife.”
“I didn’t order a…”
“Here you go, pal. One summons, with everything on it!”
If only there was a way to see who is at the door, and can be safely ignored! Not to worry. No need to revisit the future. The solution exists right here, right now, in Christmas Present.
The Wireless Door Camera
Mounted on your front porch, the wireless entry cam is the perfect solution. View wanted (or unwanted) guests on your TV, smartphone, PC, or Mac. There are a wide variety of styles to choose from, including box, dome, bullet, and fisheye. Swann offers a camera that looks exactly like a motion detector, for more discreet surveillance. Samsung has a vandal-resistant dome for your more irate callers (“I know you’re in there! I’ll fix your wagon!”). With downloadable apps and one button connectivity. Lorex Technology provides an installation CD or a no-PC-required option. You can record footage to a microSD card, PC, tablet, Mac, or smartphone. If you don’t mind paying for storage, Dropcam will record directly to the cloud (Actually, it’s just stored on a server somewhere. But ‘cloud’ sounds more exotic. Ethereal.), and save your footage from seven to thirty days, keeping your local storage available for the really important stuff (‘Dreamgirls’. ‘Death Race 2000’. ‘The Mouse Who Ate Cleveland’.). Many models are available in a 2-Pack, so you can monitor the back door as well (“They’re onto me!”). But why stop there? Smart Home Audio and Video can install a full featured, multiple camera home security system that will link to an external alarm company for Emergency Response.
You’ve got your cameras set up, and can now identify known pests. But what about wanted guests? You certainly don’t want to get up twenty times in a row to let people in for Football Sunday. Keyless entry is the perfect solution. In addition to allowing access with your very own personal code, and a backup key (in case of power failure), the Kevo electronic door lock by Kwikset allows you to assign a temporary code to whoever needs one, and can be deleted after the game is over. Some systems also have the ability to unlock the door via a smart phone.
“Your passcode is ‘1 – 2 – 3 – 4”.
“What a coincidence! That’s the same combination I have on my luggage!”
For iPhone users, there is even a Bluetooth enabled deadbolt, configurable right from your phone. Send a temporary entry code to anyone, anywhere, at anytime. Android users, already in a frenzy to access this new technology, will just have to wait a little longer. Don’t panic. I’ll tell you when it’s time to panic.
By providing you with wireless everything we have made it totally unnecessary for you to ever get up from your Barcalounger. You will soon resemble Jabba the Hutt. All the major muscle groups in your body are starting to atrophiate, leaving you a quivering, formless, pile of goo. The solution is obvious. Simply begin replacing your now-useless body parts with bionic devices, and become a cybernetic organism. Or, you could just get up every now and then and move around a little.
And change the combination on your luggage.